ella ella ella eh eh February 12, 2008

So I haven’t posted in so long, I almost didn’t recognize my site (or remember the password!)

Sorry friends. We have had the flu since I got home from visitng Beth in Dallas 3 full weeks ago! I think Cohen and I keep giving it back to one another. Its been really awful. Then, on top of that, the internet has been down so I have been using it in places (like, now, the library computer lab) that aren’t very inspiring and don’t adhere to my hours of inspiration (often late and early in the day). And on top of that, its like a giant skating rink in central Ohio, so getting out isn’t too easy.

Enough with the excuses…I have exactly 27 minutes until my library computer session is over, so I need to get to the meat of things!

I started working about a month ago. Only 20 hours a week, but I have to stop and applaud all of you working moms.. WOW. Where did all the time go?!?! Three days a week, I leave in the morning, drop Cohen off at my mom’s and pick him up long after the sun has gone down. While it is good to get a little bit of time away from breastfeeding and diaper changing and baby following, its also the hardest thing in the world to not see his little smile for hours at a time. I don’t want to go on and on about it…but God bless all of you!

I doing a job I did once before… right our of college. I am a parent coach. Basically that means if I lived in sunny CA I might be spending my days with Britney (Spears, that is) but since I live in Ohio, I spend my days with a young mom who has a addiction to cocaine, an elderly grandpa of a wild teenager, and a young mom with four kids and brain cancer. To say its challenging, would be an understatement. But I am thankful for flexible work and the opportunity to speak into the lives of some people who really need it. All the homes are so different! The client with an addiction is a fast talker…I really like her, but the girl doesn’t want to admit she’s using even though 6 weeks ago she and her newborn tested positive for the stuff. She has a 6 yr old little boy who reminds me so much of our JoJo that its all I can do to not let him break my heart. God has really opened some doors for me to talk with her… planting seeds, just planting some seeds wherever I can find the ground. My grandpa client is a dear! A die hard Believer, he just blesses my soul when I come over and see his well worn Bible lying out. We visit and I do his laundry and help him around the house…sweet guy. I might keep seeing him even when the contract runs out *grin* Now Miss Thang with the 4 kids and cancer is a RIOT! You guys would love her and the kids… 8, 9 and 5 yr old twins…love em! She’s a great mom who just needs some help managing the herd of kids while she rests after chemo. usually she naps and we clean and do homework and make dinner…

Not so last Thursday…

Ok, I grew up with African American foster kids, going to Africa was my dream, I go to a predmoninatly African America church, and I like Brack Obama so there are very few times in my life I would say the following statement, BUT

I never felt so white in all of my life as I did last Thursday!

When I got to the house, Mama was up and feeling good and needing some adult time/girl talk I think. We made dinner together and she instructed me on all of the ways of “ghetto cooking” (her words not mine) and gave me all of her ideas on what makes a good man (all of which are hysterical but not repeatable) She was having a fun time with me, I could tell. She told me about how I should dress and why ‘black girls can’t wear Old Navy’ (again, her words) She picked out some super expensive furry boots from a magazine for me and must’ve been trying to reform by sweatshirt and tennis shoes look. Then she had me grease all four of the kids’ hair. I had no idea what I was doing and she made sport of my ignorance, instructing me every step of the way.

Afterward, she announced that we were all taking the oldest daughter to basketball practice and then dropping her off and going to walmart to do some shopping. I hopped into her super tall, very sleek, black leathered car and the kids piled in back. Before taking off, she asked me what kind of music I listened to. I used the cop out ‘everything’ not giving her my one exception ‘rap’. The kids started yelling out their requests and giggling at me. She popped in something and a minute later the music was blaring so loud I could feel on the seat and in my chest. Mama and all four kids were singing at the top of their lungs and bumping in unison to the beat. I looked down and realized my legs were crossed and my hands folded in my lap.

That’s when I realized I had never felt so much like a white cracker than I did in the moment. I giggled at myself, promising to write this in a post, unfolding my hands and uncrossed my legs, and started singing at the top of my lungs along with my favorite family of 5 and Miss Rhianna

“ella ella ella eh eh…under my umbrella…ella ella ella eh eh”

*GRIN*

My session is almost up…I promise more soon though, ok?

And hey (shameless plug) if any of you are considering a puppy for Valentines’ Day I have two sweet ones left from my dog’s litter. You can see them on my dog website. I will make you a deal if you email me at pocketbeagles@gmail.com and mention “ella ella ella eh eh” in the subject line !

Euroclydon January 15, 2008

Why Sunday mornings are always a fiasco, I don’t know. But sometimes I get the sneaking suspision there might be a force against my attempts to get to church.

Cohen had a rough night Saturday (but got that second tooth in! yeah!) so we slept in a little later than usual. I got him up, washed, and dressed him and hopped into the shower myself. Now since he’s into everything, I usually set him (along with some favorite toys) in the bathroom with me and close the door. I peek out of the shower and play a little game with him while I am shampooing to make sure he’s not into anything. I kept having to get him out of the lower cabinet and then reminded myself to move everything out of it as soon as possible. The third time I peeked out, my boy was playing in the toilet. No joke. I jumped out of the shower, got his hands out, stripped him down again, and put him in the shower with me. I was so disgusted, it was all I could do not to scrub him down with Lysol. After I had washed him up, we got out. Which, if you have never tried to get out of the shower with a slippery, chubby baby and somehow get the both of you dried off without completely soaking the bathroom floor, I have no words to accurately describe the debacle to you! *grin* I got dressed, dried my hair, put on enough make up to look human and got Cohen dressed and in his car seat. I started the car and then went to let the dogs out quickly. I let the puppies out first and put them up and then let the adult dogs out. Since the area is fenced, I went back in to tend to Cohen, who was screaming about the car seat restraints. I no more get him calmed and in the car, when I realize: the dogs have escaped! Sawyer, usually the rotten one, was still in the enclosure, but Jetti and Tucker were across the field sniffing around the barn. I called for them and they looked up lazily and then continued sniffing. I ran in and got treats, but still they refused to come. So, in the snow, in my church clothes, I traipsed across the field and lured them back into the house. Finally, all the dogs were safe in the house, and I got back into the car now ten minutes late for church. My relief was met with a horrible smell… you only have to be a mom for about ten minutes to be able to smell when your child has not only gone to the bathroom, but completely soiled their clothes. Sure enough, Cohen had messed his pants so bad that even in the car seat, he had managed to get it in his hair. If it hadn’t been so disgusting, it might have been amazing. I will spare you the details, but suffice it to say, he had another shower and another new set of clothes and we got to church at 10:40, 40 minutes late.

I thought about not going but I am so glad I fought through the ohmygosh-everyone-is-already-seated-and-i-have-walk-in-late fear and made it in time to hear the Word of the Lord.

Have you ever heard a sermon and felt like someone had been reading your mail? I mean, it was comparable to that old Fugee’s song “Killing Me Softly” where Miss Lauryn Hill sings:

I felt all flushed with fever
Embarrased by the crowd,
I felt he found my letters and read each one out loud,

Pastor Ricks was teaching on how God sees through the storms in our lives into our future. And that while often we want an answer about the storm and how it will resolve, God just bypasses it and speaks life into what will be. He taught from Luke 27, a passage I am sure I had read before, although it seemed unfamiliar.

Paul is getting ready to sail for Rome and he boards a ship and tells the people on it that he feels like heading out right then would be dangerous. The men on the ship listen to the owner of the ship instead, a man who sees the soft winds of right now and doesn’t see into the future, the way Paul has. A few days into the journey, a storm whips up called a “northeaster” or “Euroclydon”…its the kind of storm where winds are coming from all directions…the King of Storms on the sea, we might say. Everyone is fearing for their lives. An angel comes to Paul and tells him that no one will perish, despite the fact that they didn’t listen to his warning. The next part of the chapter talks about the shipwreck…the part of the story most of us are probably familiar with. Pastor focused on the fact the message from God was about the future: everyone will live, instead of the present: there will be a shipwreck.

He shared a lot of other things too…but that nailed me right between the eyes. My life right now is in the middle of a Euroclydon sort of storm…every direction I look, it seems like winds are whipping up. I feel tossed by the waves and unable to see any shore from the ship. I am an analyzer, so its been so very hard for me to just ride the turbulence of the waves and hope for a better end. I have been (instead) anxious and not sleeping and full of worry and angst and frustration and depression. As Pastor spoke and I chased Cohen around in the aisle and worked hard at listening, I realized what I really needed was for God to speak into the future of what will be in my life. I need to know that even if there is a shipwreck, that somehow we’ll be able to hold on to some driftwood and make it ashore alive…maybe a little bruised up, but alive.

Monday as I drove to my first day of work with my first client (more about this in a later post), I felt urged to call Pastor. He’s such a gentle soul and he always answers his phone and has time to counsel you, but I always feel nervous about dialing. I did it a few times before I pushed “send” and waited to hear his voice on the other end. As soon as he asked me how I was, I just spilled my guts about the rage boiling just under the surface of my skin and my battle with depression and some of the specific winds blowing hard against me and how much I need to know about life on the other side. Pastor patiently listened and then began to share some things with me that have literally opened my eyes and changed my insides in the last 24 hours.

I appreciate the tender way he never focused too long on what wrong has been done, but I appreciate more that he had practical answers for my situation of being angry and depressed and hating it, but not knowing how to deal with it. I mean, have any of you ever gotten to the place in life where you realize you believe in forgiveness and healing and surrender and know all of the Scripture concerning it, but then realize you don’t know how to actually do it…? I have so been there recently.

He took me through some Scriptures I was familiar with and although none of it was rocket science, I felt a little light bulb go off in my heart. Pastor explained the way that sin (either that we do or that is done against us) creates a vulnerability that the Enemy can attack. No Believer can be possessed, certainly, but we can oppressed…think:

To keep down by severe and unjust use of force or authority: a people who were oppressed by tyranny.
To weigh heavily on: Poverty oppresses the spirit.
Obsolete To overwhelm or crush.

As he spoke the Truth to me, I knew the hurts and sins that had opened up areas of my life to attack. It was like God used his words to pull back the curtain and suddenly I could see how everything in my life is playing out. I knew at that moment, I had to be willing to do whatever it required to remove the feelings and emotions of the Enemy I had taken on as my own. You see, when the Enemy presses in, he wants us as believers to feel his feelings for him. He’s angry. He’s unforgiving. He’s jealous. He’s vindictive. He’s afraid. And as a child of God, being renewed day by day, rage really has no place in my life…no matter what pain I have sustained. Is it wrong to be angry? No, but the Bible commands that we should not sin in our anger…rage goes beyond that. Pastor just encouraged me to really consider what emotions were my own and what emotions I was taking on and feeling and struggling with that were not mine. We talked through the ever-familiar James 4 passage:

7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded

We talked about what it means to submit and resist. He assured me that the Enemy pressed down on me, overwhelming me had to go when God draws near. We talked about washing our hands (what we do) and purifying our hearts (what we believe) and giving up the double mindedness. And you know what? I have been double minded. I have been talking out of both sides of my mouth… saying I know God is sovereign and loving, and then staying up at night restlessly worrying about bills.

We prayed a simple but real prayer and I meant it wholeheartedly as I asked God to forgive my anger and hopelessness and lack of trust and said the words “I submit myself to You” and then I called my rage and depression and anxiety just what they’ve become: SIN. I told the Enemy I won’t feel his frustrations for him and told him to go.

I have always been a proponent of “there’s more to things that just a simple prayer”, but you know what? When I opened my eyes, I felt the weight lift off of my chest. I felt something in me soften and it occurred to me within minutes that I felt like myself again. I went in and met with my client and felt a level of compassion for this drug addicted mom that I wouldn’t have believed was possible the day before.

I went to bed last night and slept soundly and woke up this morning for the first time in 6 months without a single nightmare. In fact, I was dreaming about a huge praise service and all I remember about it now was that I fell on my face in worship without any hesitation and it was so striking and wonderful that even in my dream I made note of it. I woke up at 7 and felt like I had slept. I got up and didn’t have a bit of trouble getting on with the day. When Cohen woke up, I just snuggled and squeezed him without one iota of anxiety robbing me of the experience of his baby soft skin and milky breath.

I am still in the middle of a storm and I feel like there very well may be a shipwreck of sort in my future. I don’t think all things are good, but I do believe that God works all things FOR good to those who love Him and are called according to His purposes…and you know what? I do and I am.

I know the press is going to come back and now I am not afraid to really cry out for God’s help, because now I believe that when I submit to God and resist the urges of the Enemy he does actually have to flee. I think I can almost feel my faith growing.

In the midst of inconvenience and the messiness of life, I am really glad I heard a Word from God Sunday morning…because you know what? I was more starving than I had previously realized.

the worst of nights (a few questions for the readers) January 12, 2008

I really think I would’ve gotten more rest last night if I had just stayed awake.

Cohen only had a morning nap yesterday so I was sure he’d go to sleep early. And I was kind of needing him to. My house was a wreck… clean dishes needing put away, floors needed swept and mopped, and about 4 loads of laundry plus sheets and baby blankets to wash. I really needed him to go to sleep.

Ever since Cohen really started crawling and being able to pull himself up on everything, I get nothing done. Well, nothing, besides running the vacuum about 100x a day to make sure there isn’t anything he can eat off of the floor. That, and removing him over and over and over from the DVD player and the plants.

At 10pm, I finally came to grips with the fact that Cohen was going to bed not early, and not even on regular time, but late. Very late. I picked up my crabby, whiny, overly tired little boy and attempted to snuggle him on the couch, which turned into me holding him still against his will. I don’t remember falling asleep, but I do remember waking to Tucker barking at 2am. I checked the doors, and since no one was breaking in, I calmed him down. I kicked the three dogs (Piper is in the nursery room with her pups) off of the larger couch, seeing as Cohen and I had been asleep on the shorter one and I had a horrible crick in my neck. The dogs complied for a few minutes and then edged their way back to the couch and by the time they were flanking us on every side, I was too tired to scold them or move to bed (which would’ve been the best earlier choice)

The rest of the 4 hours we slept, Cohen twisted and contorted himself and woke up about every 30 minutes, crying and wanting nursed. When one of the girls who lives upstairs left for work, the dogs all perked up and Tucker started licking Cohen. I said outloud “I give UP!” and let the dogs out.

It was a wonderful night, y’all.

Now on a totally different note, I am sort of at the “where do we go now?” point with the theology discussion. I was thinking maybe you guys could leave comments and let me know which issues you are most interested in discussing?

Thanks. Have a great weekend!

everything is spiritual (part 2) January 6, 2008

there is nothing quite like a gray day in ohio, people. i mean it was gray a lot in seattle, but if you could see past the fog, you remembered the mountains surrounding you and the beach not so far…and even when you couldn’t see past it, you knew they were there. here, its like ‘well its gray. period.’ it was below freezing all week and then today is 50 degrees and the snow is melted. i like snow ok…i would like it better if somehow when it went away instead of leaving slush and mud, it left dry roads and immediately green grass…anyone feeling me?

i realized today as i sat down at the computer to share with you my beliefs, that i am not sure just where to start. there are so many facets and topics and little nuances that make up what i hold to as true… its like i know y’all are really interested in the controversial things and where i land on those spectrums… don’t worry, that’s not an indictment, all humans love a little drama. but really those things are my fringe beliefs and so i am hesitant to start there…

and actually before i get into what i believe, i thought it might be appropriate to revisit the why of my belief. i actually blogged about this a couple of years ago and since my fingers only have so much typing in them before cohen awakes, i thought i’d just redirect you there: Why I Believe Part 1 and Why I Believe Part 2

so as we dive into these big and then ‘nitty gritty’ issues of Christianity, i just want to state that my study has only served to back up and deepen the beliefs that i hold very simply because of the whispers of God into my heart and His hand drawing me near. these intellectual pursuits could never have persuaded me to love Him they way His tenderness has!

the most important truths i hold near aren’t controversial…they are the basic beliefs expressed so well in the apostles creed.

I believe in God, the Father Almighty,
maker of heaven and earth.
And in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord,
who was conceived by the Holy Spirit,
born of the virgin Mary,
suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, died and was buried.
He descended into hell.
The third day He rose again from the dead.
He ascended into heaven
and sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty.
From thence He will come to judge the living and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Spirit,
the holy Christian[3] Church,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection of the body,
and the life everlasting. Amen.[4]

(does anyone else hear Rich Mullins singing that in your head as you read? *grin* some of you, no doubt, are too young for that… but others of you know just what i am referring to!)

this the foundation of what i know to be true…God is the Designer of Life and He created everything with purpose…I don’t consider myself a “creationist” in the most traditional sense of the term. i would probably title myself something like “theistic evolutionist” if i thought it were important to give myself a title (which i don’t). for me, science and the Bible are only mutually exclusive entities in the imaginations of limited beings (like myself). if this topic interests you, feel free to read another old post Irreducible Complexity. but to me, the point of the creation story isn’t how as much as why. to me, what matters is that the origin of Life is with God… He is the designer and creator and everything that is came out of His raw essence of pure existence! And that is a belief I hold very dear.

the trinity makes my head spin…how God can be 3 and also 1 is baffling to a human trapped within the confines of my finite mind…but still, i believe it. i believe that the three persons of the trinity are not ‘part’s but completely whole in and of themselves and then also not truly separate. like i said, faith is my reason for believing this…its not something i can prove.

i believe in Jesus…that He is the one and only begotten Son of God. i believe that He was somehow conceived by the Holy Spirit into a young, faithful woman. i believe He was both fully God and fully man…that in His coming to earth, He did not forfeit one iota of his Godness. and that in being God, He was able to take on humanness and be fully present and experience every temptation and joy we live in. i believe He lived on the earth, grew up into a man, and had ministry of healing and teaching that was so counter-culture that the religious people of the day had to kill Him before He kicked the wind out of their empty traditions and showed their ego and power wielding tactics for just what they were. i believe it was the plan of God for Him to die as a sacrifice for the whole world, which also baffles me. in some way, He took on the iniquities of us all and made atonement for us with God His Father. i believe He died, was buried in a tomb, and then rose from the dead. everything else i hold as true hangs on the fact that Jesus conquered hell and death, making a way for us all to God.

i believe the Holy Spirit is a Person in the community of the Trinity. i believe He was given as a guide and ‘nudger’ of our hearts. i believe that when a person calls on God and trusts Him, that the Holy Spirit is sent as a seal over that person’s heart. i believe that the Spirit has gifts. i don’t believe those gifts are now inactive, because i can’t see any Biblical backing up of that and because it has been my experience that those gifts are real even in the now of history. still, i think an important distinction to make is that the gifts of the Spirit are just that: the gifts of the Spirit and not the gifts of any man! i don’t think that if someone heals or has a prophet word that that person becomes a Healer or a Prophet. i think its highly possible that God could impart the gift of healing for His purposes, and then never do it again with the same person… because i believe the gifts are to be orderly..used to edify the Church. it saddens me that we look to the Holy Spirit and immediately think of His gifts and not His Person.

i believe in the Church as the bride of Christ…sometimes a wayward bride, but a bride none the less. and i believe someday soon God is coming back for her.

i believe in the Kingdom of God. Jesus taught more about the Kingdom of God than anything else…morals, politics, human relationships… and i believe the Kingdom is NOW and not ONLY something that we will experience when we’ve died and gone to eternity. i believe the Kingdom is forcefully advancing and that men can lay hold of it..not unlike the way we try to harness the wind in all of its wild unpredictability. i believe the Kingdom is real and even tangible, although not seen with human eyes.

i believe that Jesus made atonement for me and the whole world, and that through Him i am able to come confidently before God, knowing that my sins (past, present and future) have been removed as far as the east is from the west. and that’s the best new i know.

i believe that one day Jesus is coming back and whether or not i am already gone from this world, that i will go to be with Him in Glory FOREVER. my mind can’t wrap around that, but i believe it.

so those are the bones that make up the skeleton of what i believe. everything else, hangs from these truths. sure, there are more ‘issues’ and doctrinal perspectives to discuss…but as we get into those in the next few posts, let’s not forget the foundational truths we all agree on as believers. i promise i will talk about the emergent church and science and predestination/free will and maybe even politics, but let’s just not jump to define these fringe issues that separate us when there is so much we all know is true. i hesitate to go further, lest i stir up arguments and draw arbitrary lines in the sand that we might feel prone to defend…

i want to say that i have in no way, a desire to divide or to offend and if i should do either, please charge it to my head and not my heart. i sincerely hope we can discuss as friends…as brother and sisters in the Lord, with one desire only…to love God and serve each other.

good evening, friends. more later

everything is spiritual (part 1) January 5, 2008

beth and i’s first tour was with dear ole shane and shane. we were the only girls on the bus..

funny story- the first night we got one hotel room to shower in and we were taking turns before we got back on the bus to drive. everyone was in a hurry because it was a long drive and begrudgingly shane e. said ‘ladies first’. we knew they all thought we’d take forever primping, so we were determined to be the quickest and earn some respect from the busload of guys. we literally took turns soaping up and rinsing off while in the same shower we were in such a hurry! we were in and out in less than 10 minutes and the guys were impressed. later, of course, once we were all friends, they asked us if we showered at the same time and we (blushing) admitted we were trying to win their approval

ANYWAY…that was way off topic…the point was, we were trying to impress the guys and feeling really awkward because we were the only females..and because we were, like, mega fans.

so we’d been on the tour about a week, when shane b. and i and another guy were all on the bus together after our morning jogs. we were just shooting the breeze for the most part. then shane brought up something about theology, wanting to get into a deep convo of some sort. my very intellectual response?

“i hate theology.”

yes, i actually said that.

it would be fair to say my qwest to impress (at least) shane b. was officially tanked. *grin*

but you know what? i meant it. i was fresh out of college and near the end of my experiences there, the conflict about predestination/free will heated up to the point that friendships were ending over it and people were being told things like “if you don’t believe this way, you are in rebellion toward God”. the divisiveness was ruining so many of the good things i had seen happen. people were hurting and others were defensive. and before long, it was the only thing being discussed by believers on campus. the lines were drawn. romans 9 became nothing more than a passage to fight over and ammo for debates… my campus was a battleground and Christians were too busy fighting one another to be about the Lord’s work. my own brother (a freshman) was getting so sick of it he didn’t want to be involved in any campus ministry.

i was incensed. where did all of these 20 year olds get the idea that they suddenly had the corner market on the truth!?!?

i loved the Bible and continued to study it. the delicate balance between study and experience was forfeited and i watched as the pendulum swung so forcefully toward study that even the word ‘theology’ made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

my thought was why focus on the study OF God rather than focus on knowing God? many tried to pull me on one side of the debate and when i refused to spend hours studying the topic, i was accused of being lazy or not wanting to know the truth. i tried to stay out of it best i could.

but in my heart, i became bitter toward the arguments and the arguers. i started to hate Biblical debate.

i started to hate theology.

that was almost five years ago. can’t say that i hate theology anymore. i still think it has its place and that when it gets out of its proper place, its destructive and a distraction from real Kingdom work. i mean, we can’t forget the words of Paul:

“The entire law is summed up in a single command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other” [Galatians 5: 14 &15]

and Timothy:

Keep reminding them of these things. Warn them before God against quarreling about words; it is of no value, and only ruins those who listen. Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth. Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly. [2 Timothy 2: 14-16]

Its the aftermath of debate-gone-hostile that leaves my blood boiling…when Christians spend more time arguing with each other than taking care of the poor or praying, there’s a problem whether they call themselves Baptist or Pentecostal!

i used to be very frustrated by even commentaries because i felt like it was cheating to just read what someone else got from a passage. that mindset that “this IS the RIGHT way to interpret this passage” still irks me when i let it. and i can’t say that i use commentaries much, but i no longer want to burn them in the streets. (i have come a long way, people! *grin*)i used to say that i thought people should write their journies of faith and we should compile and read those instead…and well, i still think that’s a pretty good idea. sometimes i think we’d do well to learn from each other’s mistakes and victories as well as to read the opinions of scholars. you know?

i am tired and wired (thank you, turkish coffee!) and i feel like this post isn’t very linear, so be patient with me…i am trying to stay on course.

caroline asked me about my personal theology and then also what i think about the emergent church. and now that we’ve established my love/hate struggle with the study OF God (as if He were a subject, not a Being), i feel like i can go on and actually answer her question.

And I will…in the days following…stay posted *grin*

Super Size the WiFi January 5, 2008

I am a sight to see right now…perched between the two captain seats in my mom’s old school green minivan. I am wearing Shawn’s sweatshirt, boots with no socks, not a stitch of make up, my hair tossed into a messy ponytail. Cohen is asleep in the seat behind me. The car is running so we don’t freeze to death here in bitterly cold Ohio. And..to top it off (drum roll, please) we are parked in McDonald’s parking lot. I went in and bought a coffee so as to not feel bad about taking advantage of the free wifi from the car.

Such is the life of Kate these days.

I think I need to make some new years resolutions…like maybe, ’start everyday off with a shower’ or ‘don’t go out in public with no make up AND no socks’ or some other practical stuff like that.

But I do have an 8 month old son who just learned to crawl and sometimes showering before noon or putting on make up just takes backseat to grocery shopping and having a few moments of quiet to myself (even if its in the car). I had thought I’d get up early this morning leave Cohen in bed with Shawn, and skip out to spend some time trying to catch up on email and bills and such. But when I woke at 6am I couldn’t convince myself that any of those things mattered more than a little more shut eye.

I have been SO tired. And I am sleeping…not sure what the deal is.

Anyway, I feel like I haven’t blogged in forever. These last few days I have been on the internet a ton, working on the Engage the Journey 08 site…uploading bios, uploading studies, reading comments, commenting… whew! Its SO GOOD to have people reading and discovering the Word anew together. I am so glad for the participation! Its very encouraging. Its just the first weeks are so full of working out the kinks and responding to new people that it can be a little daunting. Its a good thing Cohen likes to entertain himself or I’d wouldn’t have as much done as I do.

The holidays are winding down and I am glad. We’ve done a lot of running and it feels good to go back to ‘normal’ life. I think Shawn feels a little bored already since everyone has left and evenings are back to simple things…as a mom, I can’t tell you have happy I am to put my baby to bed at 7:30 and have little more to do than wipe down the counters, sweep the floor, feed the dogs, and catch up on the news. I used to think my mom was crazy when she said she loved evenings with nothing to do, now I understand it more.

I mean the most exciting thing that happened yesterday for us was that we found a store that sells surplus non-perishable foods for cents on the dollar. Little by little, I am turning Shawn into a cheap person..its taken some time, but we are getting there! *grin* We were like kids in a candy store… I found Kashi cereal and crackers for $0.89 a box and Shawn found lots of Real Thai soups for $0.49. We got a whole load of food…I mean like a cart overflowing…for less than $50! This could revolutionize our grocery bill people…and let’s be honest, its the only bill you can really affect. … So yeah, that was our excitement for the day…and it suited me just fine!

I am working on a blog called “Everything is Spiritual”… Awhile back, Caroline asked me about my theology and I am working on answering her.. I think a lot of people don’t want to get specific about what they believe or what they don’t for fear of alienating anyone. I kind of had to check myself and see if I wanted to be that vulnerable on my blog, but in the end I decided I do. I have no desire to argue or push away those who may see some things different than I do. But I do want to share who I am. I mean, I post on here and some of you read these ramblings on a regular basis and I feel responsible to you to be real.

So that’s a-coming, friends. It will be good for us to share what we believe. I mean, what is more powerful than a deeply rooted, passionately held belief? My prayer is that as we dig into it, we come to respect each other’s difference and find that discussing things about God can be an intimate and bonding experience rather than a platform for arguments.

Should have it completed in a day or two!

HELLO BLOG WORLD! January 2, 2008

Sorry I have been MIA…its called the holidays, you know? We’ve been traveling and then we got to Ohio and have been focusing on just family time. Like, right now- even as I write- the fam is watching the news, Shane is still serving up the Chinese food he made (its YUMMY), Beth’s doing some dishes, Joe and Josh are eating with their fingers at the bar, and Cohen is at my feet playing with a the toy police car I got Josh for Christmas.

Its been good times.

My brother Aaron and his beautiful wife Beck left at noon today even though we all begged them to stay…just.one.minute.longer.

The roads are getting bad…on my way over to Mom and Dad’s earlier the wind was swirling the snow around on the road. It was scary but kinda pretty. It looked a little like fire…you know, when it gets wispy above the thickness of the flames…? Anyway, I am sure it worse now and I should get my baby home so I can’t be long.

Just wanted to say hello. And I promise I have more interesting things to write later.

I am sort of all written out tonight from adding profiles and such to the Engage the Journey site. Which, by the way, is rad. You should visit and read with us. Good discussions already!

Love you! More later!

Church of the Nativity (with pics) December 28, 2007

Good morning, friends! Wow. I meant to write this post some time ago and just haven’t been able to. We have enjoyed having Christmas in Oregon with Shawn’s family, but its been FULL. We haven’t been here in so long and there’s been lots of catching up to do! That, and then did I mention that Cohen is cutting teeth? Because he is. Shawn sang “all I want for Christmas is my two front teeth” to him on Christmas Eve and wouldn’t you know the next morning he’d cut his first one? And then he’s spent the last two days working on the second bottom tooth. So the rest of my time that’s not been spent talking or playing games has been spent administering cold things to chew on and concentrated infant motrin. He’s been fussy, but that tooth is so stinkin’ cute I don’t even care! As soon as its big enough to photograph without us seeming like those parents, I will post a pic.

ANYWAY
Our last day in Palestine, we had sort of a free day. Cohen and I had missed the afternoon shoot at Manager Square and the Church of the Nativity, so we wanted to go there. Shawn had to do some taped interviews in the morning for the documentary so I decided to do some laundry. Everyone smokes there and between that and Cohen’s puking, pretty much all of our clothes needed washed. I hate packing dirty stuff. So to make a long story short, I started laundry around 10am and literally didn’t finish until we left for the airport at 4:30pm. How is that possible? No, we didn’t wear 18 outfits each everyday…it was only 1 load of laundry…BUT the washer didn’t spin out, so at the end of its cycle it was still full of water and I had to ring out each piece of clothes by hand then when I checked on the dryer an hour later, it became apparent that it does not actually get hot. So I ended up hanging our clothes out to dry on the roof. Which probably would’ve worked if it had been warmer than 50 degrees. So anyway, we left at 1pm to see the church while the clothes were “drying”…really, I could’ve had a few more hours in the square if I had just succumbed to the idea that I was going to be packing wet (although not pukey or smokey!) clothes. So the moral of the story is….if you go to Palestine, see the sites and just take home that stale smoke smell. Its better in the end than mildew.

*grin*

ANYWAY
Even with the slight laundry debacle looming, the Church of the Nativity was the most amazing thing we saw. Built over the stable believed to be where Jesus was found by the shepherds, it was completely captivating and old and full of mystery. I wanted to share with you some of the photos I took.

The square was just starting to fill up when we arrived and it was teeming with people by the time we left…this is the first Christmas tourism had come back to Bethlehem and everyone was so excited!

These women are huddling in front of the door into the church- its tiny! you can see the actual door better in the above photo.

Here’s a view from of the door from the inside. You can see how small it is. I guess at one time it was larger and you can see where they built it in with wood. Our friend said that it was built smaller to keep the Romans from charging into the church on horseback.

The original floor had been built over.

Its gorgeous tile…you can see what it looked like here.

This is the view from when you first walk in…there are actual services going on and you can see ahead how ornate everything is! It was hard to get pics because of all of the lights hanging low, so bear with me, ok? I will post some of Shawn’s awesome pics somewhere so you can see more clear ones.

In this area here there was actually a priest and a nun. I refrained from taking their pics!

This was one of my favorite areas inside because it wasn’t so ornate…this felt like what I had imagined..old and magical.

We went down in these tiny tunnels that looked like caves and were in the ground. You can see everyone crowding around to get a pic of the area set up to honor Jesus’ birth in the spot he was believed to have been found. Stables were actually underground in caves then.

Here’s what the shrine looked like

We came out of the caves into another area of the church that is newer and gorgeous! There was an orchestra practices for a Christmas concert. This whole church was bigger than you can imagine. We just kept going and going and there seemed to be no end to it!

Adjacent to the orchestra was another place to stop and honor Jesus.

There were tons of more caves from there…none of the pics turned out but this one since most of the areas were very dimly lit by candles. Lots of saints and Bible translators (early ones) were buried in the caves. It was not like something you’d see in a church in the States, trust me!

One such Bible translator was whose body we had passed, was also remembered in a statue just outside the church in a courtyard.

another view of the gorgeous courtyard

one more view from outside

Shawn and I have this travel book called something like “1000 Places to See Before You Die” or something catchy like that. It lists one of the places as Bethlehem at Christmastime. Although we missed Christmas by 2 days, I think I can agree with the book and recommend it. We actually want to go back again and see more. If you get the chance, Go! Don’t let the news media scare you into not going.

Okay friends. More later. Love you!

MERRY CHRISTMAS! December 25, 2007

leavin’ on a jet plane December 22, 2007

well my dear friendly readers, its 9:30pm here in tel aviv, israel and we are just shy of two hours from beginning our very long trek back to the US. we have a 12 hour flight to atlanta and then a 5-ish hour flight from there to portland.

can’t you tell every word i write is pregnant and almost bursting with sheer joyful anticipation?

ha.

cohen is awake now which i hope translates to lots of sleep in a bit. you know, yesterday we started saying ‘well at least he never adjusted to the time here… that should make it easier for him to go back west.’ and then you know what happened, right? the obvious comedic scene that swiftly followed our hopeful assertions?

yep. he slept through the night last night, proving that it took him exactly one week to fully adjust to the time change- just in time for us to go home. what can i say? this kid’s got great timing.

know what else he’s got? lungs, people. and not just lungs or even Lungs…he possess some serious LUNGS. he’s protesting his incarceration in the stroller right next to me at the moment. shawn’s off in the duty free section of the airport, shopping, i am afraid. even just typing that makes me nervous. he’s been gone exactly 48 minutes now.(not that i am keeping track, mind you) i hate spending money…i am the tightwad of this marriage. let’s say he’s more ‘free spirited’ than i am in that realm…and let’s just say that his being gone so long is making me slightly ‘crazy’ because that also would be fair statement.

ahh…men. (’nough said)

i can’t write too long or we’ll have no battery for the flight. we are planning on watching (yes, again) the most recent rob bell dvd. and maybe if the stars all align we’ll be watching from business class. when we checked in they told us there was a good possibility of being upgraded. i kinda wish they hadn’t even mentioned it since now about all i can think of (besides strangling my husband if he comes back with a shopping bag) is those stinking big comfy chairs in business class that i have never actually been able to sit in.

anyway, i have pics of manager square and the church of the nativity to share with you and a few more stories and i promise to get to them within a few days.

But until then, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

here’s a pic of cohen enjoying the tel aviv airport

and in other news…cohen had only liked bananas and avocado until this trip…but then he decided he LOVES hummus and we thought ‘man our kid has sophisticated taste’ and patted ourselves on the back a little..too much, maybe since the very next afternoon he decided he also LOVES the taste of random coffee tables.