Did y’all ever watch that show- ‘Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego’? I LOVED that show…Aaron and I watched it every afternoon… (we also watched Carmen videos, which doesn’t say much about our taste! *grin*) I loved the mystery. I loved following the geographic and historical clues until we had nailed down just where Carmen Sandiego was. We even had the computer game. Remember that? It was so cool.
I feel a little kinship with Carmen. I mean, not as cool (obviously) and not as sought out, BUT I do feel a little MIA these days. If you followed my clues- 6 and under soccer practices, trampoline jumping, lots of cornfields, night hot tub talks with my mom, morning runs down the same road I have been running since I was 14, church at Christ our King, horrible cell phone service, a tesosterone filled house, etc- you might just find me here, at Mom and Dad’s house in none other than good ole Bellefontaine, Ohio.
Still, in regard to the blogsphere, I have been….absent. And its not that I don’t have things to write… Isn’t it always that when you have maybe the MOST to say, that it comes out the slowest? (or maybe that’s just me?) Anyway…
Its good to be back. I miss y’all. I have needed a break. But I sure do miss y’all.
There really is no place like Home. Even though I lived in Seattle for a couple of years and had our first home there, it really never felt familiar or comfortable to me. Seattle is a gorgeous place and the friends I made there are exceptional, but it just wasn’t Home. I wanted to feel like I belonged in that cool, trendy, upscale city. But the darn truth of it all is that I feel like I belong in a place where its pitch black at night when the sun goes down; where cornfields sway with the breeze; where the most continual sound during the day is the crickets; where peacefulness is the norm rather than the exception. I won’t be here too long and I know Bellefontaine isn’t my final destination, but it is good to remember the things in life that make you feel some sense of rest…
I had started to feel like I was going to explode…(maybe implode?)
Let’s just keep it real.
I was feeling like a balloon filled to the popping-point! Just imagine that the balloon was filled with stress and you’ve got the picture, friends. It wasn’t pretty. I have been on the brink of unhealthiness for some time now. I guess I have been wanting to post about it- to be really frank with y’all- but it was impossible for me to type “THE SKY IS FALLING” and then not explain. And I couldn’t explain. So instead, I posted pics.
At least my kid is cute, huh? *grin*
Life was getting a little tasteless. Just days before I had that really bad day/week/month/year/whatever moment, I made a little appointment with my family doctor and told her that I was feeling tired and down and that I wasn’t sleeping and that nothing seemed fun anymore. She didn’t have to tell me they call that DEPRESSION, but I did feel relieved when she didn’t think I was a nut and kindly explained that lots of women have post partum that lingers on longer than the ‘baby blues’. I wanted to act like ‘oh sure, its just that post partum thing’ and wear my TEAM BROOKE t-shirt proudly, but I had to be more honest. This wasn’t just the baby blues…unless they started a few months before I got pregnant.
She gave me a prescription.
I decided to wait until I got here to fill it. And as it turns out, now I don’t need to fill it. Resting here turned out to be the best medicine this girl could get. Lots of sleep, good conversations with my mom, and the sound of the crickets has gone along way toward diffusing all of that pressure.
Maybe that’s too much information… I don’t know. I used to be really transparent and then lately I haven’t been in that place..so to me, it feels good to get back to being who I am. I think sometimes people can get the opinion that other people don’t struggle (so not true) and especially if those people or their spouses are ‘known’ at all (even more untrue). So I wanted to say, we struggle. We struggle with the same things everyone else does. And sometimes our lives get a little run off into the ditch and it is necessary to halt everything and take inventory of what is really important before letting life pick up the pace once again.
But with that being said, I am doing well. Many of you who also read Shawn’s blog have been writing and saying you are praying for us. We appreciate it. I just want you to know that we are well. Beauty can come out of ashes, friends. The hard times in our lives often end up being the best. God disciplines those He loves and one should never accept His love and not expect to be disciplined accordingly. Beauty from ashes…the Kingdom doesn’t operate the way we would think. These things are the beautiful mysteries of our God. And on this morning, I am glad to report that I am seeing His working in our lives. It is requiring some serious dying on our part but it is so worth it.
SO WORTH IT.
I am glad to be back on here and really sharing. I love y’all. Seriously….
I am reading a great book by Dallas Williard, so be looking for a post about that soon. Its a rad book. Who doens’t love Dallas Williard?!?!
I want to leave you with some verses I have been clinging to…be encouraged.
2 Corinthians 4: 6-11:
6For God, who said, “Light shall shine out of darkness,” is the One who has shone in our hearts to give the Light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.
7But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves;
8we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing;
9persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;
10always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.
11For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh.