Ok…well I am back in Michigan..so I guess I never got to write my “ohio” post after all! Its been a really crazy week. I know I am always saying that, but I mean it, friends. Life is really hectic now. I am sure that’s not going to change for a long time- like ever.
Anyway, part of the reason its been so full is because we are leaving Saturday for BETHLEHEM. I am serious. We found out a few weeks ago that the offer to be a part of a documentary there was actually going to materialize and since then, we’ve been nuts rounding up paperwork, arranging schedules, delivering puppies, and getting Cohen a passport. Yes, he has to get one. How funny is that? Seven months old and already getting traveling documents. I guess he did go around the world when he was in utero…but this will be the first trip that he’s been on where we know his gender and name. So yeah, let’s just call this his first trip. His first Christmas- in Bethlehem- well almost. We leave for Oregon on the 23rd. So we’ll just miss it by a few days. Anyway, we are SUPER HONORED to be a part of this documentary and I will post more info as to when its coming out and all that jazz. And I promise to post lots of pics when we return. Shawn’s an amazing photographer so I am sure they’ll be great…we are spending the first 2 days in Jerusalem. I cannot believe I just typed that.
Someone pinch me. Please.
You know something? I am going to be real honest with y’all. When we didn’t know if we were going to be invited to go or someone else…the “someone else” turned out to be the Shanes and my sister. Now I found that out because Mom came home and said “guess who else is going to Bethlehem with you? Beth!” and she told me how the Shanes were going and everything and instantly my heart sunk. Because I knew it wasn’t an “also” situation, but more of an “either or” kind if thing. I didn’t know that Mom had misheard and that it was only a possibility that they were going. So I reacted in the most Mature, Christian way….I wish. No, I started to cry. I felt jealous. I felt stupid. I had already told people it was 90% that we were going. Now, it wasn’t going to be me…it was going to Beth. I talked to her and she was iffy about going…(shane’s first Christmas without his dad and Beth wasn’t sure they should be without his mom, but who could turn down Christmas in Bethlehem?) I wanted to be happy for her, but to say I was disappointed would be a HUGE UNDERSTATEMENT. I cried all day on and off until I finally pulled it together. I felt pangs of hurt even when I realized it wasn’t a sure thing…I felt bad for myself…the last few months have been the most painful of my life and this trip felt like the perfect present in the middle of the murkiness. I felt a little angry as I told Mom “I know they’ll choose the Shanes and they aren’t even sure they want to go”. It was pathetic. I was being really childish and poor-me-ish. I wish I could blame it on hormones, but it was just ole Kate…in the FLESH (I mean that in a spiritual sense) By that night, I really was ok and happy for them to go and I wrote the film place and felt good and honest about writing “you will be happy with whomever you choose..the Shanes and Shawn are both awesome and wonderful people.”..because I meant it. I love them all and knew I could be genuinely happy for them if the situation called for it. But that night, as I laid down to bed and prayed…I said “God, I am not testing you. But to be real, I so need to feel like you love me. I feel like so many thing have gone awry in my life and this trip is just a trip, but I really wanted it. I wanted to SEE Jerusalem and Bethlehem. I wanted to come alongside this documentary. Whatever happens, I will be ok. Just had to be honest with you.” And I went to sleep really at peace. And really wanting to feel like God would pull some strings for me…Admit it, you’ve felt that way. Like you wanted God to act like a doting Daddy.
So when they called, I was surprised, honestly. And I did feel a little redness in my cheeks…a little flushing…a little hoping that God was saying “you are a piece of work, missy! But I love you anyway”
okay..so this got way off of target… thanks for being my online confessional here *grin*
Hey, I have BIG NEWS. I will be posting a button soon to go to the ENGAGE THE JOURNEY 2008 site!!!! I will post more details of what that is, for those of you who didn’t hear about or participate in Engage the Journey 2006. Anyway, its basically a read through the Bible in a year study online… the readings are CHRONOLOGICAL…and the best part? Being part of a community…reading what others are learning…talking about controversial topics…sharing your own journey and learning tons along the way! Last time, people of all ages, from all over the globe participated…SO if you are interested, spread the word! I will post the button and also the html so you can add the button to your site, myspace, or blog to invite others!
Toodles, friends! More later! (like tomorrow!)