[Don’t forget Africa– contest open until Friday]
[I.GOT.THE.JOB- thanks for your prayers!]
Private is one word that could never describe me. I have been questioned a time or two since I took up this blog 3 years ago about the content of what I have chosen to share. While some have thanked me for “honesty”, I know others have flinched at my words. I know because they’ve told me. At least once that I am aware of, I wrote about someone whom I didn’t know would be reading and alluded to some of our dark family “secrets”. When the news got back to me that I wasn’t supposed to know that so-and-so read that one line of one post, my heart sank. I certainly meant no harm and would’ve reworded things a bit if I knew they’d been lurking here…but ultimately, I was kind of glad I had let the cat of the bag.
Secrets have never been my thing.
I have a treasure store of secrets that aren’t mine and they stay inside (so no worries if you’ve shared something we with me) but secrets that are mine? Well they don’t stay secret long. I guess I am a purger. There is a release for me in letting go of things that are personal, a connectedness in the end result of being known with the ickiness right alongside the better version of who I want to be. This is why I can blog my brains out but can’t journal. For me, there’s no satisfaction in sharing with myself about myself… I just end up documenting things which isn’t nearly as invigorating as sharing something and learning about others who have the same crippling fear and character flaws and struggles with faith.
So its no surprise that I would love a book titled “Telling Secrets”, right? If this quote wasn’t so long, I would find a way to post it at the top of my blog. (I tried to edit it down, but couldn’t part with a single word.)That way when new people come and are appalled at some of the personal stuff I decide to share, at least I’d have a eloquent quote from a respected writer to ease the pain *grin*
“I have come to believe that by and large the human family all has the same secrets, which are both very telling and very important to tell. They are telling in the sense that they tell what is perhaps the central paradox of our condition- that what we hunger for perhaps more than anything else is to be known in our full humanness, and yet that is often just what we also fear more than anything else. It is important to tell at least from time to time the secret of who we truly and fully are- even if we tell it only to ourselves- because otherwise we run the risk of losing track of who we truly and fully are and little by little come to accept instead the highly edited version which we put forth in hope that the world will find it more acceptable than the real thing. It is important to tell our secrets too because it makes it easier that way to see where we have been in our lives and where we are going. It also makes it easier for other people to tell us a secret or two of their own and exchanges like that have a lot to do with what being a family is all about and what being a human is all about. Finally, I suspect that it is by entering that deep place inside us where are secrets are kept that we come perhaps closer than we do anywhere else to the One who, whether we realize it or not, is all of our secrets the most telling and the most precious we have to tell.”
– Fredrick Buechner
So what about you? Are you a purger? or One who holds things in?